Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
