party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
