Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
