I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
