it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
