i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize