I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Randomize
