Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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