My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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