I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
