I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
