I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize