Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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