$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize