i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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