he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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