I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
