were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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