And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
