so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Mom said you looked used
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
