there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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