so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
