Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I believe in your delicious
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
