Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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