You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
