drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize