So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
