i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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