I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dignity is for republicans.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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