The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Even my vagina gasped.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
