My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
