Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
All I want is dick and wine.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
