what if every blade of grass was a penis?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
