My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
