Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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