Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
