just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
