I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize