cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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