You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
