you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
