I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
