Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
