Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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