Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
