She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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