Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
