She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
