so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
