I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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