PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
