It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
