I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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