Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
