Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
