As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
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