I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize