you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I understand Curling. That high.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
