last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
