Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
