shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
