Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
