i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
where are you?
Hypothermia
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
