I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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