she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
