So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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